I feel like someone has come up to me. This person is obviously very thin but has put padding on themselves. They are also wearing a Dawn French mask. Yes, you have (probably not) guessed it, it’s a false Dawn. (Aw stay with me, I’m fed up as it is.) Yes, I was too happy last time, too optimistic. I genuinely believed I had turned the corner. But the reverse gear jammed. The day after parkrun I did a 10 miler with Jim W. I was very very slow. But I did it, so a wee bit of happiness. I did a run myself on the Tuesday and it was reasonable as well. 12k, nothing fast but alright. Thursday a club run and after a sluggish start I managed to pick up the pace the last few k. A good bit behind the big runners, but I kept them in my sight and felt positive. Saturday did 10 x 1 mins x country. I was so far off the pace compared to last year. Trying not to get too disillusioned as I have been out a wee bit. Sunday decided to see if I had 13 miles in my legs and done my slowest in a few years, but at least I got round. Man it was tough though. My pace was slow and I couldn’t up it, then Tuesday’s run at the rollercoaster I got left behind. I had nothing and couldn’t go up or down hills without my back reacting again. I finished off well on the last 2 k on the flat, but I haven’t ran as badly since my Mr Blobby days at Jogscotland as I did that first 5k.
I can’t help it, I’m a bit fed up. I have no pace. I have aches and pains and my back just comes and goes, when it goes it’s bad. My weight is creeping up. I am wondering, pondering if I am actually finished this time, the negative thoughts I get every time I feel an injury. So my issues are my back, hip and foot just now. I don’t have the money to try someone else for treatment and my company healthcare policy won’t cover anything relating to my back. It’s really a feckin scunner. I try my stretching but I don’t know if it aggravating things.
So what’s the point of this post? I’m trying to get all the bad thoughts and vibes out of my psyche and try and carry on from here. At this point I am not even at square one, there is a long long way to go to try and get back to where I was. I have the time, I have the desire, I will never have the patience, but is my body capable? I don’t know. Enjoy your every run as you never know when it will all fall apart on you. From the form of my life to rock bottom in a couple of months. It’s not easy. There’s a good line in the song by The Smiths that titles this blog, “Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body? I dunno.” This is my battle just now.
I know I am generally fit as I ran half marathon distance last Sunday. I want my back to calm down so I can run the Dumfries half on Sunday as a fun runner, like I haven’t done in years. Maybe it will. For the sake of my head a HM completion would do a lot. Then maybe I will take a big time out.